April 18, 2014

More Dang "Old People" Mail

Well, there was a lull in the receipt of "Old People" mail for a while there, but now it seems to have picked back up again.  Yesterday I got this dumb postcard (which may or may not technically be "Old People" mail, but it sure seems like it might be):

I don't even know where to begin.  The first thing that caught my eye was the picture of that wretched, unappetizing free meal they're offering.  I mean, really!  It looks like some dopey ol' supper I might cobble together myself at home!  But this is supposed to be from a restaurant!  Those crinkle-cut fries look really overcooked!  And what is that other stuff?  Fish?  Chicken?  Where are the vegetables or salad?  And why is there a fork thrown down randomly on the plate?  It looks like a picture that an unsatisfied patron took with their cell phone of a meal that they took two bites out of, but got up and left because it sucked!

Oh, well, I guess 1) you get what you pay for, and 2) at least they're honest, so when your complimentary burnt crinkle-cut fries and breaded mystery meat arrives at your table looking exactly as pictured above, you won't be disappointed, thinking you would be getting something better!  :/

So after I finished scoffing to myself about the ugly free dinner, then I wondered what the crazy postcard was even trying to dupe you into attending.  So I looked closer at the mysterious fine print to see this:

Oh.

Hmm.

Wow, 'Technology' with a capital 'T'.
'Technology' that will benefit you All year long.

Seems legit.

And immediately, I thought of something like this:

And then this:

LOL!

And today I got this stupid ol' depressing Funeral Home survey in the mail:

Their depressing ol' complimentary gift leaves much to be desired...the least they could do is tuck it inside a complimentary mini tote bag or something mildly useful...  :/

Ugh.

Getting one of these in the mail is always a downer.  But it would suck even more to arrive in your mailbox at a bad time.  Which is why they thoughtfully include this microscopic footnote at the bottom of the page:
(Unless, of course, the illness leads to a bereavement; in which case, we'd like to offer our services)!  :D

Sheesh.

Why can't I ever get any normal junk mail?  :P

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