Potential Cause for Alarm!

I took Lilly to her gymnastics class Thursday evening as usual.  Normally I let her go in by herself, while I stay out in the car and enjoy the peace and quiet, and read or play Angry Birds or something for an hour while I wait.  But now, it's too cold to stay outside in the car.  So I've started having to go in and sit in their hard upright plastic lawn chairs in the lobby.

*ahhhh, the epitome of comfort...NOT!*

I don't really enjoy going in and sitting there not only because the chairs are uncomfortable, but mostly because there are lots of kids obnoxiously squirming around in there, making a lot of noise and incessant chatter, and to be completely honest, kids kind of secretly drive me crazy.  If I have a choice between 1) Being around kids, or 2) Being by myself in peace and quiet, I will always choose Being by myself.

Anyway, I went into gymnastics with Lilly, and settled myself in my hard plastic lawn chair.  Kids were everywhere, making all kinds of noise and moving around real fast, and their stupid little video games were making all kinds of annoying Bloops and Bleeps.

The worst part was that all of the kids (and most of the parents) were hacking, coughing, sneezing, and sniffling.  Even though I'm not a germophobe, I felt like I was in some kind of hellatious petri dish of germs and bacteria, and began to hope to heck that I didn't get sick from being cooped up in there with all those disease-os.

After sitting there for a few minutes, I decided I needed to pee.  No problem; the restroom was directly in front of me.  I knew nobody was in it.  The light was off, and the door was barely open.

I got up from my hard plastic lawn chair (which probably contributed to my Needing To Pee feeling in the first place), walked the few steps over to the restroom, swung open the door, and turned on the light.  Instantly, it hit me.  The unmistakable smell that the person that had been in there just before me had taken a dump.  I frowned at the odor, and continued on in to the restroom, shutting and locking the door behind me.  I made my way down to the toilet, and noticed that the lid of the toilet was closed.  Alarms started blaring, and warning lights started flashing inside my head.  

This scenario doesn't usually end well.  Walking into a restroom that smells like poo, which toilet's lid is in the Down Position is almost always a recipe for disaster.

Whenever this happens to you, the same chain of events then unfold.  You automatically assume that the previous restroom visitor had taken a nuclear-strength dump and used an entire roll of paper to wipe with, clogged the toilet, and failed to remedy the situation due to 1) the unavailability of plunging tools, 2) the lack of knowledge of how to use available plunging tools, or 3) sheer shitassery by blatantly leaving the restroom in such a disgraceful shape for the next poor unsuspecting restroom attendee to have to deal with.

However, I like to believe that the toilet lid is left in the Down Position because the person who clogged it up is genuinely sorry about it and mortally embarrassed, and simply closing the lid is the very least they could do in a feeble attempt at apologizing to the next person and somewhat reducing the unspeakable horror of the sight that will inevitably be greeting them as they raise the lid to assess the damage and subsequently have to deal with it.

So what do I do?  Assuming the toilet to be clogged, and not knowing what my eyes would behold upon lifting the lid, I braced myself and proceeded to sloooooowly lift the lid.

Much to my surprise (and relief) the toilet was completely clear.  No paper, no poo particles, no nothing.  So I swung the lid up all the way and proceeded to unfasten my britches and sat down so I could pee.  As I was peeing, I wondered if the toilet only appeared to be clear, but was secretly clogged; upon which only flushing would then reveal.  So when I got done peeing and fixing my pants back, I faced the toilet, took a deep breath (and held it), and with hope, flushed.  WHEW!  No clog, THANK GOD!  :)

I smiled and knew that the Toilet Gods had been appeased that day, but you never know when or where they're going to exact their revenge.