- There's about 83.5 people in here! (One of them's a midget)
- We were supposed to be here at 9:30. It's after 10:00 and we're still sittin' here!
- Bored! Considerin' playin' Angry Birds
- Everybody's holdin' their Jury Summons letter & they're all crumply
- I'm sittin' between 2 guys & they don't talk much, but whenever they do, they both have stale coffee breath!
- People keep goin' to the bathroom. Maybe if we ALL go to the bathroom, the judge will be SURE to show up then!
- My boots are too tight! I knew I shoulda took off that extra pair of socks before comin' here! :/
- The bailiff set off an alarm when he opened a door & it scared the crap out of everybody!
- Everybody's gettin' restless
- Some secretary walked in, and she had a gigantic port-wine stain birthmark on her neck below her ear. She had on huge earrings. I wonder if she was trying to disguise it?
- 10:20 -- Now I've got The People's Court theme song in my head & it won't go away!
- I decided it should be mandatory for them to play The People's Court theme song whenever the plaintiff and defendant walk in. And also, when the attorneys tell us what it's all about, they should have to play really fast typewriter noises just like they used to do on People's Court.
- 10:23 -- I kinda need to pee, but I'm afraid to get up cuz I don't wanna miss anything.
- It smells like stale breath, stale after-shave, and stale lotion in here. People stink!
- 10:27 -- Ooh, they're comin' in, finally!
- The bailiff said "all rise" just like they do on People's Court, but everybody just stood up and sat right back down after literally 1 second! Is that bad? Are we gonna be in trouble? Is that what you're supposed to do? He didn't say "you may be seated"! Is the judge gonna be pissed?
- I wonder if the judge's robe has a zipper, or if it's a pull-over...? I bet it smells like something very Official. He probably washes it in a laundry detergent called Justice.
- Better go!!!
Twenty minutes later, the judge announced that this trial was gonna last all week long. Shortly after that, they allowed people who thought they had a reasonable excuse to get out of having to be on the jury, to come up and talk to the judge to see if they could be excused. I wondered if they would let me off, since I knew it would be really hard on everybody at work for me to be out all week. So I eventually got in line, and finally got to talk to the judge about it. He said no, that I could not be excused.
By that point, I REALLY needed to pee, so I walked back towards my seat, but I detoured to the exit so I could go to the bathroom. A lady bailiff stopped me and asked if the judge had let me off, and I said no. She tried to stop me from exiting the room by saying WELL YOU CAN'T LEAVE; YOU GOTTA STAY, but I repeated twice that I knew; that I was just going to the bathroom!
A couple minutes later, after peeing, I returned to the Jury Assembly Room, and was trying to shuffle my way back through the crammed aisle full of seated people to plop back down in my seat and try to make myself comfortable, because I knew I'd be in for a long day (and week), but before I made it 2 feet, the lady bailiff got my attention and told me that the judge needed to see me again. I was a little puzzled and kinda freaked out, because I'd never been on a Trial Jury before; only a Grand Jury, so I couldn't imagine what the judge needed from me. So I walked back up there to the judge, and he asked me if I had served on the Grand Jury the previous year. I said Yes, and then he grinned and said "well you can go then"!
I literally did the YESSSSS fist pump right in front of the judge, embarrassingly.
So by 11:15, I was excused from Jury Duty, and got back in my car and went back to work.
And now, here's The People's Court theme song for your listening pleasure (and so I won't be the only one around with this junk stuck in my head)!:
Dig that crazy hi-hat!
LOL!
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