February 11, 2014

Another Round of "Old People" Mail

Here's the latest batch of "Old People" mail that I've received recently.

Another one of these stupid things -- an invitation to join them for "complimentary fine dining" while they hold you hostage and force you to listen to them yap about some kind of retirement junk, which causes you to develop indigestion, thereby ruining your 'fine dining' experience:

Another one of these stupid life insurance things (but this time on pink paper, in a feeble attempt to better attract your attention)...
Holy Moly!  I think their Caps Lock key got stuck!  :/

...not to mention their new attention-grabbing offer of a free memorial guide that they'll send you after you fill out the card and mail it back in:

A "free memorial guide"?  Is that what I think it is?  Is it like, some kind of brochure showing you all the different lovely tombstones you have to choose from just in the nick of time before you kick the bucket?  Well, that's not morbid at all...  O__o

And I also got this:

Oh goody! An AARP membership offer!  And when I join, they'll send me this free awesome mini day bag to put all my "old people" accoutrements in (such as prescription pill bottles, wadded-up kleenexes, plastic rain bonnets, half-opened sticky and covered-in-lint rolls of Certs from 1963, a tiny change purse filled with nothing but pennies, nickels, and dimes, and last but not least, one of those little tiny black Rolodex books with the names, addresses, and birthdays of every single person you've ever met scribbled down with what looked like a quill dipped in pokeberry ink from 1735).

Hooray!!!  :D

LOL!

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