Anyway, I got to the grocery store, parked my car, grabbed my grocery list and purse, and happened to let a little fart as I was exiting the car. I got out of the car, closed the door, locked it, and continued on, merrily walking up to the grocery store doors.
I got a buggy, and started my shopping. The whole time I was shopping, I kept secretly laughing to myself about the silly dream I had lastnight about the taco party platter.
I was in the aisle that has all the International foods in it. (I did stop to peruse the British section again, but decided not to get anything this time around. There is another bag of
Anyway, I continued on a few feet up and got to the Spaghetti-O section, where I needed to grab a few containers of microwaveable spaghetti & meatballs for Lilly. There was a lady standing a couple of feet away from me. She turned to me and asked me if I'd ever tried any of the bouillon granules that she was pointing to on the top shelf. Assuming she was asking my opinion on whether or not I thought they were any good, I said "no", (I mean, I never cook anything that requires bouillon, for goodness' sake). And then she proceeded to brag to me about how excellent that particular brand of bouillon is, and how she's been to tons of grocery stores with a much larger variety to choose from, and how she has 30 years of experience (so she's tried all different kinds of bouillon), and she has made it her mission to tell everybody she sees just how good this particular brand of bouillon is. She pointed to the containers of chicken and beef stock on the shelf below her favorite jars of bouillon, and said that the bouillon was way better than using stock.
I was flabbergasted. Of course I was polite, pretended to be interested, and replied, "And the bouillon would probably last a lot longer than the stock would". And she sternly and matter-of-factly said "You have to refrigerate it" (like the bouillon that she loves is so awesome that it is required to be refrigerated, unlike all the other stupid, crappy, garbage brands of bouillon there are out there).
Then I realized that she was evidently some kind of bouillon/food snob, and I just thanked her for telling me, and thank goodness she walked away. I grabbed Lilly's spaghetti & meatballs and got out of that aisle! Freakin' bouillon weirdo! Sheesh!
I finished up the rest of my shopping, went through the checkout, and headed outside with my buggy full of groceries. On the way to my car, something caught my eye up in the sky. A big bunch of like, 10 balloons, was tangled up and hung on the powerline. I wondered if somebody had purchased them at the grocery store, and on their way to their car with them, they accidentally got loose and floated up, getting stuck on the powerline. I thought to myself "I bet they were pissed". Either that, or somebody had a birthday party or baby shower in the bank's community room next door, and either accidentally (or purposely) turned the balloons loose. Either way, it would totally suck for your balloons to float away and immediately get hung on a powerline right in front of your face.
The bunch of stuck balloons was actually traveling up the powerline really quickly in the wind. I watched them for a few moments. Then I wondered if once the bunch of balloons got to the pole where the big scary-looking electric thing is, would it cause a big KABOOM and a shower of sparks? I don't know anything about electricity, but I've seen enough TV shows to know where this might be going, so it was intriguing to me. So I stood there with my buggy, watching and waiting, hoping to see a disaster unraveling before my very eyes. Well, the balloons stopped for a while when the wind died down, so I decided to go ahead and start loading my groceries into the back of my car, while keeping an eye on the status of the balloons on the powerline.
I unlocked the back hatch of my car, flung open the glass, and BAM! No, not the balloons popping, but THE FART.
The little fart that I had let as I was exiting my car maybe an hour before, stayed in the car festering for the whole time I was in the store. The fart forcefully puffed out of the back hatch of the car when I opened it, and hit me right in the face, almost knocking me down. My eyes got as big as saucers, and I said "SSSSHHHHHEEEEEEWWWWWW!!!" as I quickly began loading my groceries into the back of the car.
I looked up and noticed that the bunch of balloons had finally made its way to the pole of the powerline and was bouncing gleefully against the scary thing, but they didn't pop, or make any sparks or anything. I was disappointed, and now I had this horrid fart to contend with. I mean, it continued to stink even out in the open air. That's how bad it was.
I finished loading up my groceries, took the buggy to the cart return, and reluctantly walked back to my fart-car. Even after being open while I loaded my groceries, it still stunk like fart in the car the whole way home.
The fart was so horrid, it actually smelled more like a wild animal had somehow gotten trapped in the car, took a wretched dump, and then subsequently died, only to be discovered 3 days later.
I was ashamed.
When I finally arrived home, Jamie busted out of the back door of the house to unload the groceries like he always does, and as I met him at the door, I warned him about the fart.
When he came back in the house, carrying some bags of groceries, I asked him if he had smelled it, and he frowned and said "YES". It was awful.
I bet it will still stink in the morning.
Geez!!! :P
LOL!!!
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