Today's installment of Funnies From The Mailbox begins when I got this out of the mailbox:
Yeeeah. All tryin' to be official-lookin' & attention-gettin' & pretendin' to be a letter from an attorney's office & what-not. Pssh. I've seen enough junk mail to know where this is going. Especially *official* letters sent Presorted Postage-Paid First-Class Mail. Suuure.
So I smirkily open it up, only to discover that it's a dopey ol' offer for HEARING AIDS, of all things:
Wait...did you catch that?:
ZOMG!!!11!!!!1 WHERE DO I SIGN UP?!?
Wait (again)...what's that footnote at the bottom of the *official* letter, in 4-point font?:
After promptly throwing the letter directly into the trash can (which would undoubtedly be against the advice of the thoughtful, hearing-care-conscious 'attorneys' who sent it), I then moved on to perusing the other piece of mail that I received: this little gem of a catalog which showcases high-end gift baskets they have available for purchase. And when I say high-end, I mean REALLY high-end gift baskets:
JUST LOOK AT THIS MOFO! It's OBSCENELY GARGANTUAN! It measures over 3 feet long, it's 15 inches deep, and 14 inches high! And just look at the items it includes!:
Olives? Caviar? WTH!!!
I mean, really! Could you possibly imagine receiving such a gift basket? I mean, it's more like a gift TROUGH than a 'basket'! Jeez Louise! And could you imagine sending this 'gift trough' to anyone? It's appallingly over-the-top! Maybe this is the way that 'fancy' people kiss each other's @$$e$.
Heck, I wouldn't know how they would even ship such a behemoth as this, and it stay intact! What do they do, shrink-wrap it? Glue it together? Pay a plebeian a nickel per mile to walk it to its destination while it's nailed to their back? SHEESH.
Shameful display of costly opulent luxury...there better be one waiting for me under my partially-lit, cobbled-up Christmas tree on the morning of December 25th!
JK! ;D
LOL!
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