Today's tale begins as I was exiting the grocery store with my buggy full of purchases. I was almost to my car, when some old man comes doddering up to me and says "'Scuze me, ma'am", and I freaked out momentarily (silently, inside my brain), and cooly replied, "Yeah"? And the old man continued, "When yew were walkin' outta the store a minit ago, yew dropped this", and he handed me a PENNY.
So of course, me being me, and not knowing what else to do about it anyway, I accepted the penny from the old man and said "THANKS! I'll keep that...I'll put it in my piggy bank"! And the old man grinned, seemingly pleased with himself, and doddered away.
Then as I was carrying onward to my car, it dawned on me:
I had paid with my debit card. I had received no change. There was no way that penny could've been mine!
And then, the craziest thought instantly popped into my head. This is what my silly brain told me:
HE HAD IT IN HIS BUTT-CRACK.
HE HAD PUT THE PENNY IN HIS BUTT-CRACK, AND KEPT IT THERE ALL NIGHT, AND JUST NOW TRICKED YOU WITH IT.
So I hurriedly loaded my groceries into the back of my car, returned the empty buggy. I hopped into my car, and immediately used an extra-large dose of hand sanitizer just in case.
And so, on my way home from the grocery store (where I do my best thinking -- most people think best when they're sitting on the commode, or taking a shower, but me, I do my best thinking on my way home from the grocery store), by the time I got to the red light, I had abandoned the penny-in-the-butt-crack notion. And then I determined that the penny must be CURSED instead.
So after I got home, unloaded all the groceries, and put them away, here comes my silly brain again.
HEY, YOU KNOW HOW YOU COULD TELL IF THAT PENNY WAS IN THAT OLD MAN'S BUTT CRACK OR NOT?
YOU COULD SNIFF IT.
COME ON, SNIFF IT.
And I thought to myself, "NO, brain, I'm NOT going to sniff it"!
5 minutes later...
"All right, stupid brain, if I sniff it, will you SHUT UP"?!?
Brain: "LOLOLOL DUDE I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST DID THAT!!!"
At any rate, I am pleased to report that the soiled cursed penny is really just a regular penny after all.
But I REFUSE to bite it to make sure!!! (You hear that, brain? I REFUSE!!! Sniffing was ENOUGH)!!! GAH!!!
So into the change jar it will go.
Gee, if I had 99,999 more of those pennies, I could afford to get one of those fancy dogs like what showed up at my house last weekend! (Thank you, internet, I really didn't want to have to do that hard-@$$ math myself)! :)
Speaking of coins, one day last week when Lilly came home from school, she was rummaging in her book bag, when she said "OH YEAH", whipping out a quarter, "LOOK WHAT I FOUND"! And I replied, "Aww yeah, Lilly, that's great...a quarter"! And Lilly said "Yeah, and it's a BIG ONE, too"!!!
LOL! :D
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