Late yesterday afternoon, Lilly was bored (as usual), and begged me to take her to the beach. We actually hadn't been to the beach in quite some time since it's been so rainy lately, so I figured why not. So even though it was around 5:00 PM, I took her anyway.
When we got there, a bunch of old-car enthusiasts were having some kind of shindig. I'm talking old cars like the ones that have those "ah-oo-ga" horns. Like these:
Anyway, there were a whole bunch of old cars like this parked near the pavilion, and the old-car people were having a massive cookout (man, it smelled delicious).
So I flung my blanket down on the shore, had a seat, and commenced to watching Lilly frolic in the water.
There are a pair of ducks who usually come up on shore from time to time, and if I have anything in the cooler to feed them, I like to fling them some food (like bread or crackers; something they would be able to eat). Lo and behold, eventually the female duck came up on shore. So I tore some of the bread off of Lilly's sandwich that I had packed for her, and began tearing it into smaller pieces and throwing it to the duck, which had waddled up to just about 2 feet in front of me. I was having a nice time feeding the duck, when out of the corner of my eye, I saw a man approach me. He looked like he was somewhere in his 50s. I thought that surely he was going to just walk past me, but I saw that he was heading straight for me, and then he loudly said to me something to the effect of "Don't feed that duck, honey; some of us need that more than it does"! I didn't know what to do or say. Then he came right up to me, grabbed my shoulder, and asked "What are you feeding it"? I sheepishly said "Bread...". The way he was acting, I thought that he was going to get on to me for feeding it something "unnatural" or "unhealthy". But no. The creepy man didn't hear me (and it was hard for me to hear him too, since the old-car-shindig people were running some kind of generator or something that was making a heck of a racket almost the entire time they were there). So the creepy man yelled "HUH?" And I repeated myself "Bread..." And the creeper yelled "WHAT KIND OF BREAD?" To which I replied "White bread...". And then he took the bread from me, tore off a piece, and I assumed that he was going to toss it to the duck, but no. HE FREAKING ATE IT. HE FREAKING ATE IT HIMSELF!!! WHAT THE %$&$#?!?!? Then as the weirdo was backing away from me, he said something like "Ahh, I needed that...it's been a long day"!
Well it kind of pissed me off and freaked me the hell out, but I'm too scared/nice to say anything to anybody when something weird like that happens, so I just continued to sit down on my beach blanket and whisper to myself "Oh my GAH, what the hellllllllll"?!?!?
Fortunately, the creeper went back to his folding chair, which was unfortunately positioned nearby, and continued to try to talk to me. Over the racket of the generator(?) he hollered "DO YOU HAVE A CAR"? And I shook my head no. (I knew that he was talking about one of the old cars). And then he re-stated what he meant "DO YOU HAVE ONE OF THOSE OLD CARS"? And again, I shook my head no. I was so freaked out, I just wanted him to go away. I considered jerking Lilly out of the water and going home, but I knew Lilly would pitch a fit (even if I was about to get kidnapped and murdered; she'd still want to have her fill of getting to go swimming). And I figured I was pretty safe since there were tons of other people around anyway.
Then the weird, creepy man took off down to the lake and began swimming. He was all over the place, bobbing around all fast and weird. I secretly watched him (covertly hidden behind my sunglasses, of course), and saw that he was kind of creeping out a few other women in the water with their children, too. Bleh!
Eventually the weirdo man got out of the water and went back to his folding chair nearby. I thought he would leave me alone, but a little while later, he yelled something else at me. That stupid generator(?) was still running, so I couldn't hear well. I could only make out part of the tail-end of what he had said, which was something about "eat some meat". So I looked over at him to try to see what he was saying. The duck was still nearby me in the edge of the water. I thought that the creepy man had meant that the people having the cookout needed to throw the duck some meat. So, confused, I pointed at the duck and yelled back to him "I DON'T THINK IT'S A CARNIVORE". And he laughed, and yelled "NO; I WAS TALKING ABOUT ME; I'M A CARNIVORE". So apparently the creepy weird man had originally stated something to the effect of wanting to eat some meat (I'm assuming since the people's cookout smelled so good). And since I'm an idiot, I hollered back "GOOD, I AM TOO"!
By this time, I was feeling like an ass and wishing the guy would just hush. He didn't. Then he yelled to me something like how he could go for a hamburger, and I think he even added "wanna join me". I couldn't really hear, and stupidly yelled back "THAT SOUNDS GOOD" just to try to be nice and make small-talk. Mistake. I guess he was secretly trying to come on to me or something, and thought I was taking the bait! He excitedly asked "WHAT DID YOU SAY"? And me, suddenly realizing that he mistakenly thought I was "into" him, just quietly shrugged. Then I laid down flat on my beach blanket and looked up at the clouds, thinking OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD WHAT A DUMBASS to myself for a long time.
Eventually the weirdo creeper man went back into the water and bobbed around all over the place a million miles an hour, while I just continued to stay on my blanket, wanting to die. It was at this time that I noticed something even more bizarre about this man (as if it couldn't get any weirder). Next to his folding chair, he had a bucket. No big deal, right? Buckets are a common thing found on beaches, right? WRONG. NOT THIS KIND OF BUCKET. No joke, this is what he was carrying his small stuff (like socks) in:
A FREAKING EMPTY OLD PAINT BUCKET.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?
So after the weirdo creeper finished bob-bob-bobbing along in the water, he went back to his seat on the beach, and thank GOD began getting ready to leave. FINALLY.
I figured that would be the end of his weirdness, but he had to leave me with one parting shot -- he yelled to me something like "SEE YA LATER, CARNIVORE...THANKS FOR THE BREAD"! And all I could do was just smile, nod, wave, and give a thumbs-up. AW, GAH, SOMEBODY JUST KILL ME!!! WHY?!? WHY ME?!? UHH!!!!!!
Well, at least I managed to somehow refrain from getting kidnapped once again. Freakin' creepy weirdo!
I wish I had a cloak of invisibility.
UHH!!! >:P
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