Tales from the Grocery Store, Volume 8

Well, I took my weekly trip to the grocery store earlier this afternoon.  As I was walking towards the entrance of the store, I saw a couple of older men set up just outside the door with a table and signs, taking donations for White Cane Day -- whatever that is.  (I looked it up, and apparently it's the Lions Club, collecting money for sight care).  Anyway, when I saw the men, I secretly said "crap" to myself under my breath.  Now, don't get me wrong.  It's great for people to collect money for a good cause.  It just sucks to feel pressured and/or guilted into giving something.  Especially in this rotten economy when not many people have a whole lot of extra cash to be flinging into someone's donation bucket.  And I know they probably appreciate every little bit of money they get, but it feels crappy to only plink a small handful of pocket change (mostly pennies) into someone's bucket.  And then they force their silly little 'thank-you gift' on you, which consists of a white cane that looks like a bent lollipop stick with a red tip, which you throw away moments later.  Ehh.  As I approached the men, I tried really hard not to make eye contact and hurry past them.  I was too freaked out to remember the 'just pretend you're talking on your cell phone' schtick.  And just when I thought I was going to make it past the men without a hassle, one of the men (who looked kinda creepy) pipes up and says to me something to the effect of "Ma'am?  Would you make a donation"?  And I replied "I'll get you on the way back out".  Then the man said (in a semi-creepy tone of voice) "OK; we'll be lookin' for ya".  (I'm not able to just say "no", because it makes me feel like a terd).  But just the way the man said it kind of made me a little mad, and he wasn't kidding.  I almost felt like a character from some old cartoon, being held upside-down by my ankles and shaken so that loose change falls out of my pockets.  So I made my way into the store, grabbed a buggy, and said "crap" to myself again.

As I wrapped up my shopping trip, standing and waiting in the checkout line, I realized that I would have to walk back out of the store past those two men and give them a stupid donation.  I always pay for my groceries with my debit card.  I had a little tiny bit of pocket change, but the smallest "paper money" I had was a $5 bill.  I didn't really want to give them five whole dollars, and I didn't want to fool with changing my $5 bill for five $1 bills with the grocery cashier, just so I could make a stupid donation that I didn't really want to do.  About that time, I thought to myself, "crap, if there was only another exit...WAITAMINIT...THERE IS ANOTHER EXIT"!  Then I remembered that I'd been in those situations before, where I thought I was cleverly avoiding donation-takers by using a different exit, only to discover with much disdain that additional donation-takers were positioned at the other door as well (in which case I reluctantly chunked some money into their bucket, and grudgingly went on my way).  I decided that if that was the case today, then it meant that I was simply destined to give them my $5, and I should just cough it up, and carry on.

So after my grocery transaction was complete, I gleefully pushed my buggy full of groceries all the way down to the other end of the store to make my escape out of the other exit.  Right before I went out the door, I paused slightly to look outside, and *yesss* the coast was clear.  So I busted out of the store, briskly pushing my cart, and maneuvered my way all the way over to the other side of the parking lot where my car was parked, avoiding the donation-takers like the plague.  Heh heh heh heh heh.

I was like:

I was also extra careful to be sure that I didn't attract their attention; I didn't want them to notice my escape.  Not that they would have chased me down the parking lot waving their little white-cane-'thank-you' gifts, and shouting angrily "HEY, WAIT, YOU PROMISED YOU'D COME BACK" or anything like that, but I just didn't want to deal with it.  Especially after that one man was kind of a jerk with the whole sketchy 'we'll-be-watching-for-you-to-come-back-out, and-then-we'll-GITCHA' schtick.  Uhh!

So my donation-taker avoidance scheme went off without a hitch, and I was glad.  And not to seem like a complete butthole, I have made many donations (both monetarily, and in the form of goods) in the past to local things that were more near and dear to my heart, such as Books for Babies, the High School Band, the Humane Society, and the county Food Bank, just to name a few.  I just have an easier time putting money in an unmanned 'tip jar' at cash registers, or placing cat/dog food in the humane society donations box, or anonymously and clandestinely late at night dropping off really nice items for the humane society to sell in their thrift shop.

Just don't shake me down for a donation!  Bleh!  :P  I mean, I understand that if you don't ask, sometimes you don't get, but sheesh!