This past Saturday, I had taken Lilly to the park so that she could play on the playground as usual. We'd been there for a while when a lady showed up with her little son who looked to be maybe about 5 years old. The lady walked into the playground area, and I couldn't help but notice that about 2 inches of her butt-crack was showing. Lovely. And worst of all, she had one of those bubble-butts that stuck out really unusually; much farther than normal, like a butt-shelf. This in turn caused her unfortunate crack-showing to appear as if it was The Grand Canyon. I mean, everyone accidentally shows their crack to the world from time to time (especially in these days of low-riding fashions), but this lady's gaping chasm of a crack was showing hard regardless of whether she was standing erect, stooped, or crouched down toward the ground.
Anyway, this bubble-butt-crack lady was really strange, nervous-acting, and aloof. Another lady and gentleman were there with a whole vanload of kids that they had brought to play on the playground. But when the butt-crack lady happened to move closer to the gentleman who was playing with the kids that he had brought there, the butt-crack lady sort of apologized to the man --I don't remember the exact words she used, because I wasn't really paying that close attention-- but what she said, and the way that she said it, left me with the impression that she was trying to explain to the man that she was only moving closer to him so that she could watch her son; that she wasn't trying to move closer to be nearer to him. What?!? Who cares?!? After the butt-crack lady said this to the man, he seemed slightly bewildered and replied that it was all right. Then the butt-crack lady went on to explain to the man that she was there waiting for her in-laws to show up, and that they didn't like for her to smoke around them, so she was trying to get in a cigarette before they got there. (She wasn't even smoking when she said that). WHAT?!?!? (Again, who cares?!? No explanation necessary)! The man replied again with a confused, but trying-to-be-polite "oh, I understand...it's OK".
A few minutes later, the butt-crack lady was standing there (farther away from the man, apparently so as not to appear suspiciously as if she was hitting on him :P), when her son walks up to her for something. The next thing I hear is the lady loudly asking her son "DID YOU PICK YOUR PANTS?" I turned my head slightly so that I could discreetly witness this interrogation, and saw the little boy guiltily look up at her and shook his head "no". Then the lady continued "WELL WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE YOU PICKED YOUR PANTS?!?"
Apparently the little boy must've put his hand down into his pants and scratched his butthole at some point in time while he was playing on the playground, and it caused him to smell like butt, and the lady smelled it on him. The little boy seemed mortified, and you could tell that he was totally trying to lie and deny it. The butt-crack lady had said it loudly enough for everyone on the whole playground to be able to hear it, and I could tell that the gentleman that she had spoken to before thought it was awful and awkward, too. Ha!
(I guess she's something of an expert on butts anyway, since her own butt hangs halfway out into the open air all the time...) :/
At that point, I suppose the butt-crack lady's in-laws must have showed up, because I didn't see the lady and little boy for much longer after that.
Gee, I wonder if she was able to get a cig in first before making her son wash his hands?
LOL!
No comments:
Post a Comment